Dr. Nicolas Kokoris

(Thanks to medico_bella for allowing me to borrow her muse for this prompt)

Dr. Nicolas Kokoris stood naked in the tent's doorway, the flap pushed aside in hopes that it might allow some hint of a breeze into the stifling interior.

"What are you doing" Joanna Falconiri, rose up on one elbow, letting the thin sheet fall across her as she did.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" The Greek turned back to the woman, letting the tent-flap fall closed again.

"No, but, morning surgeries are going to come awful early if you don't get some sleep." Lifting the sheet, she patted the empty space beside her. "Come back to bed,"

"It's too hot to sleep." The complaint wasn't enough to prevent his compliance however, and as he reached the cot he took a seat beside her.

"At least lay down then." Joanna ran her hand over his bare shoulder, then coaxed him into further compliance with a lingering kiss. "You need to get some rest."

"That isn't going to help." He turned into her kiss before she could pull away, his lips catching hers a moment before his fingers threaded into her hair.

"Nic, if you could have any wish, what would you want?" Joanna returned his kiss then drew back so she could see his face.

"Truth?" A smile slid across Nic's face as he readied his answer.

"Yes, the truth." An answering smile greeted him on her face.

"I'd wish for air conditioning...it's hotter then hell in here." The Greek didn't stand a chance at avoiding the pillow that was the Italian's response to his answer.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: ER
Words: 259

"The true magic of this broken world lay in the ability of the things it contained to vanish, to become so thoroughly lost, that they might never have existed in the first place." The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon.

"What do you mean they're gone?" Dr. Nicolas Kokoris looked up from the paperwork that covered the surface of the desk he sat at.

"Just what I said, they're gone. I went over to the tent that we thought the family was staying to see how they were doing and they weren't there, when I asked around no one seemed to know anything about them." The British nurse took a seat on the chair closest to her as she offered the news.

"That doesn't make any sense." The Greek dropped his pen on the open chart as he tried to make sense of the news he was hearing.

"Okay, let me get this straight, this family that I could barely get to leave the operating room long enough for me to work on their child, now suddenly disappears in the middle of the night without a word to anybody?" Struck by a sudden thought the surgeon abruptly stood.

"Has anyone checked on the boy this morning?" The words had barely left his lips before he had started for the door, his concern for his patient suddenly outweighing everything else.

"I didn't even think to check on him." At his reaction the nurse hastily rose and followed him.

Even with their knowing the boy's family had fled, neither were prepared for the sight of the empty bed in the surgical ward. The IV tubing still hanging, from the pole, only to be left dripping after it had been pulled from the child's arm.

"How is it that no one saw them take him?" Nic's question left the nurse on duty shaking her head, before she began to strip the bed.

"I don't know, we were busy, there are parents and family in and out all the time." She offered the excuse weakly, knowing as she did that it was only a matter of time before the bed would be would be filled again. When it came down to it, the truth here was undeniable, the child who had been there would be no more then a memory in a matter of days, or maybe a week, no matter how he had left it, and soon not even that. That was the way things were here, and the way they would always be. Nothing any of them did would change that, no matter how much they worried, or wanted to think they could save the world, and that was the reality of it.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 313

"Dr. Kokoris, mass casualties coming in, five minutes out, another market bombing." The nurse had barely opened the flap of the tent before making the announcement and dropped it just as quickly before making her way to the next tent.

Nicolas Kokoris had given up a lucrative private practice almost twenty years earlier to devote his surgical skills full-time to Medecins Sans Frontieres. It wasn't the kind of work that everyone was suited to, and it held more than it's share of risks not just to the patients, but to those treating them as well.

When Joanna Falconiri had made the proposition to him, it had come at a time when he was ready for a change. He'd already been offering his services to Medicins Sans Frontieres, doing two, two week tours a year. It had been through Doctors Without Borders that he had met Rae, and because of her that he had given of his practice in Greece and moved to the United States. How ironic that it would also be through them that he would find the reason to leave when things with Rae did not work out.

Neither he nor Joanna could have known at the time she made the offer that they would still be working with the program so many years later. In truth they had both hoped the need would no longer be there, but such was not the case and if anything things seemed at times to only worsen, as leaders failed to learn from the past and those they governed suffered for it.

"Dr. Kokoris...the ambulances are rolling in now." The nurse lifted the flap again as she made he way back the way she'd come.

"On my way." Nic scooped up his scrub top and pulled it over his head as he started out the door...he was in his element here, danger or not, and as long as he could hold a scalpel here he would stay.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med
Words: 331

I try not to let my temper get the best of me, I wish I could say I was always successful in it, but I'm not, and worse than that are the feelings that can from when it's out of control. When I was younger I think I was more likely to think that revenge was the way to deal with those that got on the wrong side of me. I could excuse my behavior by blaming it on my being Greek, but I can't really say that I would have been any different had I been born Italian or something else, because in all honesty I think it's just something in my personality.

As I got older I started looking for ways to justify my behavior. I guess you could say that I hadn't really gained the maturity to fully control it yet but, I was a little more selective in what the end result of it could be. For example, when I was younger I might have actively sought out those who crossed me. As I moved to the next stage of life I started trying to look for justification for for what I would do, as if that suddenly meant that it could excuse my behavior, or more importantly make it not matter. It's amazing the excuses we can find when we want them.

I can't really say when it finally struck me that there was really only going to be one thing that would give me the feeling that I wasn't finding in the other two. Revenge, vindication...they both amounted to the same thing, finding a way to get even with someone for something and never really letting go of whatever it was that had let me to the point that made me so angry to begin with. I didn't want and I certainly didn't need either of them anymore, I was past that, I was ready to move on, and with that came the last step, the relief of accepting that there would be times things wouldn't go my way and I'd have to deal with that and just move on.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 358

Current Topic: Curt: We set out to change the world and ending up… just changing ourselves.
Arthur: What's wrong with that?
Curt: Nothing! … If you don't look at the world.
(Todd Haynes, Velvet Goldmine)

I've talked often about my work with Medecins Sans Frontieres, about the reasons for my joining, my disillusionment with where my life was at and what I thought my future held. Like most young doctors, I entered the program with intentions of changing the world and instead found myself the one who was changed and as much as I would like to tell you when that moment happened I don't even know myself.

Every mission you go on exposes you to entirely new situations, but one thing remains constant, and that is the patients who find a way to touch your heart, no matter how often you tell yourself you're not going to allow it to happen.

As a surgeon I rarely form any kind of attachment to my patients on a day to day basis. Often times I may not even see them before I am standing over them in the operating room, I don't have that luxury here, and maybe that's why these tours affect me the way they do. Somehow, mission by mission, year after year, as I returned seeking to heal them, they found a way inside of the surgeon's shell that served me so well in the normal everyday hospital setting. Somehow, as I sought to change things for them, they changed me.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 219

Maybe it's because of the years I've spent working with Medecins Sans Frontieres, the things I've seen men capable of doing to those unable to stop them, the suffering forced upon those who least deserve it, but when I think of a perfect day I don't wish it for myself. No, if I were to describe a perfect day it would be for those I've treated in the camps, for those whose lives are nightmares we can only dream of.

On a perfect day, no child would go without the vaccinations that would keep them safe from illnesses that daily rob them of their lives because they are too poor to afford them.

On a perfect day, no family would be forced to live in squalor without the basic comforts of running water, indoor plumbing, or electricity. No parent would have to choose between feeding their children or having something to eat themselves, and no one would ever go to sleep knowing the gnawing pang of hunger.

On a perfect day medical treatment would be available to everyone and not just those who had the health-care to afford it.

On a perfect day there would be no wars, and no one would be injured or dying due to senseless violence.

I could go on and on, but what's the point? It's only a dream, a dream with little hope of ever becoming a reality, so it's back to my patients and the day that is actually here, the day I can have an impact on, no matter how small it may be.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med/Misc. TV
Words: 261

Hippocratic Oath -- Classical Version

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:
To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art - if they desire to learn it - without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but no one else.

I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.

Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself, holding such things shameful to be spoken about.

If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.

I'm a doctor, a surgeon, I've taken an oath to save lives, but but that doesn't change the fact that people have died by my hand. There are those who would say I had killed them, whether due to mistakes of my own, or circumstances beyond my control, the fact remains that I failed to do what I was supposed to do.

I don't think any surgeon can look at a patient and say, you're the one that I can't save, we want to believe that we have within us the ability, the skill to find that miracle to save them all, but the truth is, we can't. We sit down with our patients, we explain the risks, and we assure them they have nothing to fear. It's a piece of cake, something we do everyday, until that alarm sounds and we realize there was something different about that patient, and we failed them...we killed them. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but the death came at our hand all the same.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 168 minus the Hippocratic Oath

I don't know which was the bigger of the mistakes I made with Rae, allowing myself to fall in love with someone who I didn't really know, or convincing myself that I could be in love with someone who I only spent two weeks a year with. It's easy to make excuses for the problems that existed between us, I mean, how were we supposed to cover everything there was to know when we had so little time to spend together?

I'd be lying if I said that the first thing that drew us together wasn't a physical attraction. You put people in the close confines that we were placed in, thousands of miles from family and friends, and then force them to make life or death decisions 16 hours a day, who isn't going to look for an escape? It didn't matter to me that Rae was married, I didn't ask and she didn't tell me, she needed me as I needed her, and in those moments we were together we could forget what went on outside the tent.

When I finally found out she was married I didn't care, I believed I loved her, and I thought it was the same for her, I was wrong. It ended up I was wrong about more then I knew, what a shame I found out after I acted on my feelings instead of before.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 237

Why is it that things that seem one way in the light of day, appear so vastly different by the darkness of night? I don't think the realization of just how much that could be true hit home until the first time I served with Medecins Sans Frontieres in a war-zone. Working within the camp with all of the sounds of life during the day it was easy to ignore the explosions and gunfire in the distance, but, the same could not be said about the nights.

I remember the first night I spent in a war-zone, standing at my tent-flap watching the tracers as they lit the night's sky. I couldn't help but wonder how many lives would be lost once their target was found. Here I was, here we were, trying to save lives though-out the day and with the coming of night it was all undone. What was the point? I can't deny the frustration that came over me, that still comes over me when I realize that it's never going to change.


Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 175

I can't remember how we had learned of the attack, only that there were more casualties that needed immediate care than could be safely transported. I suppose most people wouldn't think of it as a road trip, but when you've spent a week living in a dustbowl of canvas tents and too many people, you'll take what you can get.

None of us were novices, we knew the risks we could face even as we looked forward to the thrill of the adventure. Landmines, snipers, the risk of kidnapping, rape, death, but there were patients who needed our help, how could we not go? We took off, packed into a landrover with as many supplies as would fit, and one doctor less than we would have liked so we could accommodate the armed escort that we were ordered to take in their place.

You can't think about the risks to yourself when you volunteer your services to organizations like Medecines sans Frontieres, if you did you'd never be able to step off the plane. What you can do is remember why you became a doctor, and know that without you people will die.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 195

There was a time not that long ago when I would have said it was my relationship with Rae, or the loss of that relationship. I think I've resolved myself not to that realization that what we had was never anything more than a diversion from the grim realities of what we were experiencing on a day to day basis.

It wasn't easy for me to accept that things were over between us. Not only had I fallen in love with her, but, I had given up everything for her, my practice, my home. I'd even left my country to be near her because of something that I had believed existed between us, only to spend countless sleepless nights wondering how I could have been so wrong when I discovered everything she'd led me to believe was a lie.

So, what about now? I've moved beyond what I know I can never have with Rae. It's funny really, since entering into working full-time with Mediecins Sans Frontieres, my nights are spent thinking about my work more than anything, wondering how I can make conditions better in whatever place I happen to be working at any given time. If I were honest though, more often then not, I find myself too tired to lay awake, and I think that's what makes work like this worthwhile.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 223

There was a time when family was an important part of my life. Growing up in Greece I was surrounded by Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, extended families were a way of life. I remember spending hours at my grandmother's knee, listening to stories of the exploits of this distant relative or that, never dreaming that one day what I did might become one of those stories.

When I started offering my services to Medecins Sans Frontieres, I did so because I saw it as a way of giving back to those who didn't have access to the medicine I had begun to take for granted. When I shared the stories of what I experienced with my mother and my grandmother I never thought that my stories would become part of our living history too.

I know as a child I would pretend that I was part of these stories, becoming a soldier, or a fisherman, traveling to distant lands or simply fighting demons in the seas. The stories of my ancestors were what fueled my fantasies and I can't help but wonder if somewhere now, that the stories of what I do aren't doing the same for some other young boy.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 202

I got to thinking the other day about Rae, about why things hadn't worked out between us, and it dawned on me how much of what we had was hidden.

It's not just the fact that our relationship was limited to the two weeks a year time-frame that we saw each other, it's that she kept it hidden from everyone in her life because of her marriage.

I wanted to think that what we had could have been more, it's why I made the decision to leave my practice, to leave Greece, to move to San Francisco and be near her. I never thought that she felt differently, I guess that's something she kept hidden from me.

I hated the way she pretended that what was between us was less than it was when she would talk about our past. I wanted to shout to the world the truth and instead I was forced to share in her lies and keep hidden that very thing that had brought me to her.

I suppose I should have seen that as a sign, but I was blinded by hope that she might change, so I went along, willing to wait for the right time to come. Too bad it never did.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words:210

Finally they were caught up, no, not caught up, they were never really caught up not here. He pulled the bloody gloves from his hands and tossed them in the plastic basin that already overflowed from too many other discarded pairs. The fighting seemed endless, and no matter how many hours they worked there were always more patients waiting outside the doors for treatment.

"I need a break...just five minutes." He waved off the protest that was on the nurse's lips before she could utter the words. "Five minutes, I just need to step out for some air, I'll be back."

He had been at the Bon Marche Hospital in Bunia less than a week and already he had done more surgeries than he would normally have seen in 3 months were he back in Greece. But it wasn't just that he was exhausted, it was what he was seeing in those surgeries and the emotions they were stirring in him.

Dragging a hand down over his beard Nic found himself nudging one of the other doctors as the man made his way out of the tent to catch a smoke break of his own.

"Can I have one of those?"

"I didn't know you smoked." The crumpled pack was passed over with the comment.

"I don't, I just need something to clear the smell out of my head." The next several minutes were spent in shared silence, each man lost to their own thoughts as the smoke of their cigarettes first rose then curled around them.

Standing there, Nic found it hard not to let anger eat at him. Too many of his patients were one that should never have seen the inside of an operating room, or at least not for the kinds of injuries they were suffering from. What kind of a monster takes a machete to an innocent child? How much hate does a man have to be filled with to rape a little girl?

The questions were ones he would never have the answers to but it didn't stop him from asking them of himself, anymore then it stopped him of thinking of what he might do were he ever to confront one of those responsible.

The truth was he could, and would do nothing because he had sworn to help them all. If one of them were brought into his operating room he would fight for their life just as hard as he would fight for that of the child they hard tried to kill, the child they had raped, and that truth disgusted him. He took a long slow pull on the cigarette, letting the smoke remain in his mouth until he could feel the burn in his throat.

"Dr. Kokoris, we're waiting for you." The sound of the nurse's voice brought him back to the here and now and he released the smoke and with it the burden that had seemed to settle within it's mist. He was a doctor, it was his job to save lives, not to judge them. He drew a final drag off of the cigarette before flicking it off into the darkness and watching it land a short distance away, it's glowing ember a tiny flicker of light amidst the blackness.

Maybe that was all he could hope for in this place.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 555

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

I have always believed in monogamy, one man, one woman, committed to each other. So how is it that I ended up involved with a married woman? It was never my intention of course, but then I doubt that anyone ever intends to enter into a relationship with a married woman. So, how did it happen to us, to me?

Neither Rae or I had any intention of entering into a relationship when we volunteered our services to Medecins Sans Frontieres. That isn't why a doctor travels halfway around the world to a war-zone, that isn't why you walk away from the comforts of your home, your salary to live in a tent and work days without sleep.

Granted that when I first became involved with Rae I had no idea she was married, but, it wasn't like I'd exactly asked either. Things had been rough, we'd had too many cases come in too fast and with too many losses. We were both tired and we both wanted some way to escape, even if only for a few hours. Once that escape was found it became a safe place, somewhere we could go if only for a few minutes each day throughout the tour. Somewhere to go so we could forget about all we'd seen. I don't even think I bothered to ask about what her life back in the States was like that first tour, I was living in Greece, likely I'd never see her again. But I did, and over time we planned our tours to be together, I learned of her marriage, and her unhappiness, and of her plans to leave him, and that somehow made it acceptable. Or at least I told myself it did.

It didn't of course and when things eventually ended I was left with the feeling that I should have felt all along. So, I'm back where I should have been all along. I believe in monogamy, one man, one woman, a commitment to each other and whatever life brings you.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 337

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

"Let's go people...we've got wounded who aren't going to be there if you take much longer." The Greek's impatience had been growing with his lack of sleep and the fact that this was his third trip into the surgical tent to pull personnel out for this emergency run was not helping. "For Christ's sake." He dropped the flap and went outside once more where Dr. Joanna Falconiri was inventorying the supplies for the second time.

"Relax Nicolas, we'll get there." She glanced over at him as he paced to the edge of the tent only to stop and stare off toward the smoke that was rising along the border.

"How long does it take to get your ass out of bed and pull your pants on?" With the checked scarf wrapped around his throat and his dark looks, the surgeon could easily have been mistaken for one of the many Palestinians they had been treating over the past few weeks.

"They only arrived yesterday, give them time to adjust to things. It wasn't that long ago that we were the new doctors, try to remember how you felt." The woman smiled before tossing an empty water bottle his way. "Make yourself useful and I'll see if I have better luck getting them moving."

Twenty minutes later found the medical team kneeling on the ground just inside the border, where they had set up a makeshift triage area for the victims of a suicide bombing and the retaliatory aftermath.

"Keep your heads down! You're going to be just as good a target as anyone else." Nic yelled across the chaos to a couple of the newer doctors as he and Joanna worked on one of the more critical patients. As if there wasn't enough going on, out of the darkness came the cries of a young child, a sound which immediately caused both to jerk their heads erect as they tried to isolate it.

"That way" Joanna was the first to pinpoint it, but the Greek beat her to his feet.

"I'll go, just in case..." He stopped short of saying it might be a trap though both were aware of the possibility.

"Nic." Joanna's voice softened as she said his name. "Be careful, please."

"Yeah, you're not getting my cot that easy." He flashed her a smile he hoped might offer some sense of reassurance before making his way cautiously in the direction the cries had come from.

He made his way along the border at a crouched run, cover was almost non-existent, this was suicidal. He paused as the thought surfaced and glanced back to where Joanna and the others were working, only to once more hear the cries of the child. He had no choice, sweeping his hand through his hair he isolated the location of the cry again before moving toward it.

She couldn't have been more than two, and it was the pink of her dress that caught his eye in the darkness.

"You're safe, baby" He spoke the words to her softly in Arabic before kneeling to do a quick assessment of her condition. Blood soaked the right side of her dress and it took only moments for him to feel the metal fragments that pierced the tiny thigh. As her cries began again in earnest he scooped her into his arms. Before he could move he felt rather then heard the sound of a bullet as it whistled past his head. Turning suddenly he dropped to the ground, shielding the child with his body as an explosion rocked the area, triggered when the bullet detonated it.

It took him several long moments before he could force himself to sit up and it was several more before his hearing returned to normal, but as far as he could tell he wasn't injured. The little girl. He carefully assessed her again, reassuring her with the minimal Arabic he knew before attempting to rise and pick her up again. He had to get her back to the clinic, back to Joanna, back where she could get the treatment she needed.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 684

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

I have two words for you...

Greek

Ouzo

So, yes, I have on more than one occasion had the misfortune, or good fortune I guess you could say, of finding myself in that situation. I was trying to remember the first time it happened, and as best I can recollect, I think I was around 14 and a few friends and I happened to find ourselves in possession of several bottles of said ouzo, a boat, and some good alibis to cover where we should have been. Like most kids who grow up on the water we were all quite able seamen, so it made sense to us that we would take to the water to enjoy our booty. It had worked for pirates for centuries, why not for us? I think our mistake came in that our boat of choice was a small one. As soon as we were out of sight of land we broke open the first bottle, as the bottle level decreased, the waves grew choppier. Andreas, Khristos, Thanos, and I grew bolder with that first bottle instead of wiser, where common sense might have nudged us back toward shore, the alcohol fueled bravery challenged us to tempt fate. We were lucky, somehow we made it to land and we woke shortly after dawn, cold, wet, and hungover, face-down on a beach with no idea of how we got there.

I wish I could say I learned from the experience, unfortunately I didn't.


Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 247

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

{Locked from all County employees and persons related to them}

I think about all the things I have seen in the course of my medical training, my practice, and my volunteer work with Medecins Sans Frontieres and I have to agree. I can't help but question how can it not make you stronger?

Think about it. Daily you're facing children who have been beaten near to death by their parents, teenagers who are shooting each other for pieces of clothing, old women who've been raped and robbed sometimes for little more then the loose change in their coin purses. If it didn't make you stronger how could you possibly continue going back day after day?

You adapt to it, find ways to cope so you can get through your shift without passing judgment on victim or attacker and in my case you find a way to go that extra mile by giving more and volunteering your services where they are most needed, regardless of the danger it puts you in.

It isn't about having a death wish, it isn't about playing God. In the beginning it was a way for me to reconnect with the reasons I became a doctor, now, it's because the need is so great that I just can't say no.

So yes, it has made me stronger, not just as a doctor, but as a person as well and I'm grateful for that every time I look into the eyes of a child who I know is likely not to live to see the next sunrise.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 250

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

{Locked from all County employees and persons related to them}

If I had never joined Medecins Sans Frontieres my life would be completely different then what it is now. I would still have my practice in Greece and I would never have met Rae. The question is, would that life have been any better then the one I'm living now? It's a question I will most likely never have an answer to.

If I had never joined Medecins Sans Frontieres I would not now find myself in Chicago, but that would then mean that I wouldn't have met Joanna, nor would I now find myself reunited with her.

I think back on the last couple of years, on all of the changes, both positive and negative that I've gone through, and I wonder if I could go back and do it all over again, would I? It's not an easy question to answer.

I find myself lately reassessing my life, wondering if I wouldn't be happier devoting my time fully to Medecins Sans Frontieres. It's something Joanna and I have begun to discuss, the more we talk the more sense it's beginning to make, time will tell whether I act on it.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 192

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse

(Locked from all County employees and persons related to them)

Over the years I have worked with people in all manner of settings and from many, many countries but, it wasn't until I arrived here that I was faced with a trigger I was not aware that I had.

When we are children it isn't unusual to play the favorites game, choosing friends by what you think you might gain from them and by who they know. During that same time it was not uncommon too to choose to snub another child because of how they looked, what they wore, or because of where they came from. These though are the games of children and you don't expect to encounter those petty biases as an adult. I'm sure that is why I find what has happened most recently in my life something which makes me so angry.

When I arrived in Chicago I expected to be judged on my skills as a surgeon and the work and interactions that would happen here. I couldn't have been more wrong. Instead of those things happening I walked into a situation where I found myself being judged by an indiscretion in my personal life elsewhere that should have had no bearing at all. Instead of finding the acceptance I thought would naturally occur I found myself the victim of personal attacks, instead of being welcomed I found myself isolated. So when you ask what what makes me angriest in life now, it's that there are people who use labels to determine who is worthy of their friendship, and in extreme cases of life itself.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom:Presidio Med/Misc TV
Words: 259

Cross Posted to Theatrical Muse