Dr. Nicolas Kokoris

I try not to let my temper get the best of me, I wish I could say I was always successful in it, but I'm not, and worse than that are the feelings that can from when it's out of control. When I was younger I think I was more likely to think that revenge was the way to deal with those that got on the wrong side of me. I could excuse my behavior by blaming it on my being Greek, but I can't really say that I would have been any different had I been born Italian or something else, because in all honesty I think it's just something in my personality.

As I got older I started looking for ways to justify my behavior. I guess you could say that I hadn't really gained the maturity to fully control it yet but, I was a little more selective in what the end result of it could be. For example, when I was younger I might have actively sought out those who crossed me. As I moved to the next stage of life I started trying to look for justification for for what I would do, as if that suddenly meant that it could excuse my behavior, or more importantly make it not matter. It's amazing the excuses we can find when we want them.

I can't really say when it finally struck me that there was really only going to be one thing that would give me the feeling that I wasn't finding in the other two. Revenge, vindication...they both amounted to the same thing, finding a way to get even with someone for something and never really letting go of whatever it was that had let me to the point that made me so angry to begin with. I didn't want and I certainly didn't need either of them anymore, I was past that, I was ready to move on, and with that came the last step, the relief of accepting that there would be times things wouldn't go my way and I'd have to deal with that and just move on.

Muse: Nicolas Kokoris
Fandom: Presidio Med
Words: 358